It all started when we agreed to meet for dinner. Now that DH's and my kitchen is gutted for renovation, we can't exactly have people over. And last time we got together with this particular couple, we went over to their place and had beers in their one bedroom apartment. Which was nice, except it reminded me of my claustrophobic NYC apartment days.
This time we planned to meet at a restaurant. DH suggested one place we've wanted to try and another that we've been to once. The couple quickly agreed to the former, which they'd been to before.
Flash forward to the restaurant. It's a trendy spot with pricier entrees than I was expecting: about $11.95 each. Our friends decided to split an appetizer and one entree, and DH and I ordered two entrees. Our male friend, "A," attempted to order a beer, but they didn't have what he wanted so none of us ended up with drinks.
When the appetizer came, the restaurant staff had cut it into four portions and gave us four plates. DH and I were obviously going to ignore that and let our friends eat. Except A decided to say, "Oh, did you guys order an appetizer, too? Because 'E' and I only ordered one entree so we were planning to split this."
I must have shot him a WTF look because he quickly backpedaled with, "But you can have some if you'd like." Too late, dude. I just said that we knew it was their appetizer and that we'd have more than enough food with our entrees.
Then the entrees came out and I found myself getting annoyed with how much rice they were taking to go with their one shared meal. I was actually thinking, you two only ordered one entree, so stop eating all the fucking rice because DH and I have two entrees to enjoy. But I didn't say anything.
I'll back up in a minute and give you more of the history of our relationship so you don't think I'm a total nut job. But first let me finish about dinner.
When the bill came, A quickly grabbed it and started scrutinizing the numbers. DH's and my portion should have been about $24+tax, and our friend's portion should have been about $16+tax. I didn't have cash, so E and I both threw in our debit cards. Which caused A to make a big production to the waitstaff about how E's card should only be charged $17 (he did the math wrong), and the rest should go on mine.
Now here's the thing about this that pissed me off. Normally I wouldn't even notice this sort of trivial thing, and of course DH and I should pay more because our food cost more.
However, things with this particular couple have been pretty unequal for a while now. DH has known them for about a year, and I've been a casual acquaintance for about six months. In that time, we've hung out at each other's places and gone out for drinks, and DH and I even attended their wedding. I also went to a bridal shower.
Here's where the score keeping comes into play. Whenever DH and I go over to their home, we bring something. Sometimes it's a 6-pack of beer, sometimes a bottle of wine, sometimes both. But we bring something that we end up drinking.
When they come over to our place, however, they always show up empty handed. One time, in fact, DH told me that A said he was going to bring some scotch (or maybe whiskey?), and I thought, great. I don't actually like scotch (whiskey?), but I appreciated that he was going to bring something to share. I even thought I might have a sip.
Except when they showed up, A had only brought a small flask of scotch/whiskey for himself. He asked DH and me for a beer chaser and proceeded to drink two of our beers.
Then there was the time that E came over so DH could do some work on her bike. DH spent a couple of hours fixing it while I served mixed drinks. When I asked E if she wanted to stay for dinner and suggested ordering a pizza, she conveniently didn't have her wallet with her. So I paid. I'm still waiting for her to reciprocate.
Another time, DH and I had the grill fired up with all sorts of food options and invited them over for dinner. When they finally showed up, about 2 hours later than they said they would, DH and I had already eaten and were about to pack up to go to bed. But we ended up making them food anyway.
And remember the wedding? Even though I barely know this couple, I spent $60 on a wedding shower gift, $200 on the wedding gift, and $50 taking E out for drinks while A was at his bachelor party. And now they're making a fuss over a $7 difference in our dinner bill?! (I was also invited to E's bachelorette party, but I bowed out at the last minute in part because I didn't want to spend any more money on her wedding.)
But they did bring us a house plant when we moved into our house, which I appreciate.
The thing is, from what I can gather A has been underemployed for years (technically he's a partner in a firm that brings in no money, so he has no income and has been living off savings from the sale of his first house). E works in a job that's similar to DH's work, so presumably she earns about what he earns. They spent more money on their apartment than DH and I paid for the mansion, and E also pays half of a real estate investment property she bought at the height of the market but can't rent out. So presumably this couple is broke. (They've alluded to money stresses frequently.)
However, that didn't prevent them from spending several weeks in an international destination for their honeymoon (the city they visited is more expensive than NYC), or from having technology like iPhones. I've probably been generous with them because I feel bad for their financial situation and want to be helpful. However, I have my own bills to pay and am starting to feel taken advantage of. My honeymoon was a subway ride to Coney Island and some cheese fries from Nathan's.
I'm also starting to feel that A just needs to get a real job, like the rest of us. Too bad if he has a problem with authority and wants to be his own boss.
I think we're going to take a break from hanging out with them for a while. Next time, perhaps we'll just meet for happy hour drinks. As long as we can pay separately.
